Why Fiji Didn't Win

 

I heard the clumping of big clodhopper feet on the foredeck.  Nobody jumps on a boat without asking permission...except...

"Shirley!  I see you made it south to Nadi."

"Hi, Dave!  Yeah, your little mosquito friends told me you had come down here.  Figured I'd pay a visit."

"And you've got your signature purple mohawk back, I see."

"Yeah, it's a big hit during sevusevu.  You know what the chiefs wear under those sulas?  Nothing.  Nada.  Ask me how I know."

"I'll pass, thanks.  You know I'm heading back in about a week, right?"

"Yeah, you had mentioned the standard tourist visa - four months, right?"

"Yep.  Gotta leave the country and get that new visa every four months.  Unless you apply for the two month extension.  Which takes three months to be granted, so if you don't apply right away..."

"I get the picture.  Not unlike a lot of places."

"So I have to ask - have you been behaving yourself?"

"And by behaving you mean...?"

"Are there any male Fijians left standing?"

"Well, you did hear about the Rugby Sevens, right?"

"Yeah, Fiji was favored to win the championship.  No one can figure out what happened."

"Ahem."

"No."

"Yes."

"You didn't sap the collective strength of the Fiji national team at the championships, did you?"

"Well, I, you know...it's sort of my nature..."

"Shirley, this was the best team Fiji had in years.  You couldn't hold off a few weeks?  Let them play at their peak before you..."

"Oh, they were at their peak, trust me.  At least before the match..."

"You are going to cause another international incident, you know."

"Maybe.  I understand there's a GoFundMe set up to send me to New Zealand next year.  Ooo - I like Kiwis!"

"The fruit?"

"There's a fruit?  Well, gotta go, good chatting with 'ya, Dave.  I see a freighter on the horizon..."