Crouching tiger, farting dragon



Sensei, I have come seeking wisdom.


Have you yet learned to walk the rice paper without leaving a trace?


No, Sensei, I have not.  Right now I’m working on the TikTok shuffle, if that helps.


It does not.  What is your wisdom quest?


I want to know the names of the positions one occupies when trying to sleep on an airplane in economy class.


For instance?


Well, after watching one movie and trying to start another, my butt feels like it’s gone to sleep.


Ah, the ‘Uptight Mormon’ position.  No blood, stiffness sets in.  I know it well.


Yes, well then you shift on your side with your neck pillow somewhere above your head as you face the window side trying to keep your big ass from becoming intimate with the poor woman in the next seat.


Ah, the ‘Flaming Lotus in Heat’ position.  Often used by Chuck Norris in his younger days .


So that’s what it is called.  What if you fart in the process?


You didn’t.


Actually, I don’t know.


Well, if you did it would be called the ‘Somme’


But Sensei, that’s a battle in world war 1.


Yes.  First use of poison gas.  Appropriate.


How about the position where you turn to face your seatmate and have to unbuckle to get comfortable, your pillow tucked under your arm for support, your headphones on and your neck pillow somewhere around your shoulder.


I think that’s called the “Dave.”


That doesn’t seem to be a Samuri name.


It’s not.  We have dignity.

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