Ed and Johnny

 (Director). “Ok, cue camera one as soon as Doc winds down the orchestra…”

Camera One fades in.

Ed:  Thank you, Doc.  And now for your viewing entertainment, direct from the exotic reaches of the earth where East meets West; He is known as the greatest mystic the world has ever known.  He knows all, sees some and tells little.  Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome…Cheznak the Magnificent.

Cheznak enters stage right; trips over basset hound lying on floor.  Recovers nicely.

Chezak (now seated):  “That dog will taste good on a bun with mustard.”  Audience feels pity and laughs.

Ed:  “Welcome, oh exalted one.  I trust you are here to once again display your immense talents of mentalism and prestidigitation.” 

Cheznak:  “Greetings, Bowery Dumpster Breath.  I bet you had to Google that word.”

Ed:  “Once again, Cheznak the Magnificent has demonstrated his mental powers - he has foretold Google!”  Audience swoons.

Ed:  “As always, I hold in my hand three envelopes, the contents of which are unknown to me.  The answer is written on the envelope and the question is written inside.  I will hand the envelopes to you, o magnificent sage, so that you may demonstrate once again your powers of insight.  Here is the first envelope.”

Cheznak (reads):  “Phone charger.”  (Tears open envelope, blows to spread it, picks out piece of paper and reads.)  “What key piece of equipment for a long trip did Cheznak forget to pack?”  Cheznak stares at Ed, who is laughing uncontrollably.  “May your next fish dinner come wrapped in yesterday’s newspaper.”  Audience is prompted to laugh; does so without enthusiasm.

Ed:  “It is hard to believe that Cheznak the Magnificent, of all people, would forget to pack a phone charger.  It literally boggles the mind.”

Cheznak:  “If you had a mind to boggle, it would.”  Nods for next envelope.

Ed:  “Here is the next envelope, o wise one.”

Cheznak takes envelope gingerly, makes face.  “Headphone audio cable”  

Ed:  “You sure you wan to open this one?”

Cheznak (testily):  “Your dog wears army boots.”  Ed looks puzzled.  Cheznak tears envelope open and blows to spread.   He pulls out the piece of paper and reads:  “What else did Cheznak forget to pack?”

Ed (laughing):  “You know there are headphone jacks in the seats on all major airlines, right?  Been there since, oh, 1960 or something.”  Cheznak looks ready to choose new sidekick.

Ed:  “I have here in my hand the last envelope…the last question with which Cheznak the magnificent will prove for all time that he is the greatest mentalist the world has ever known.  (Hands Cheznak the envelope).  Cheznak tears open envelope, blows to spread it, picks out piece of paper and reads.)  “How long did it take Cheznak to discover that the light in the bathroom was actually a skylight and there is no way to turn it off?”   Cheznak says, “Ten minutes”, rises, and with a flourish of his cape, stalks off the stage.  Ed is laughing hysterically and mumbling something about a ‘Leno.’

Ed (recovering):  “We’ll be right back with Nipsy Russel, Charo and a new band from San Francisco that is making waves out there - The Jefferson Airplane.”  

Producer:  “Cue Doc and the orchestra.”