Seat Wars - The Return of the Cheapy

 OK, so I had this bright idea:  Upgrade my airline seat on the ride across the Pacific.  On the surface, this made sense.  No longer stuck in coach with the rest of the lemmings, I could relax and let my mind wander, discovering unknown realms within my subconsciousness and furthering world peace.  Or at least ease the strain on my back.  I even told Marisa to remind me to call Fiji Airways the next day.

Well lo and behold the next day I get a phone message from the good folks at Fiji Air offering me a chance to upgrade my seat.  Needless to say I jumped at the chance, my hands shaking as I clicked on the offer:  Bula Bid.  Then came the first sign of dread…”Make us an offer…”. WTF?  They want to auction off the seat that I so richly deserve?  The seat that would expand my consciousness?  The seat that would further world peace?  Why not just give it to me in deserved gratitude?

But like a good lemming I proceeded to the next page to see if I could find out what it would cost me to save the world.  “Welcome to Bula Bid.  Let’s Get You Upgraded.”  Yeah, yeah, upgrade me, Santa.  “Tap here to make an offer.”  Yeah, yeah, I got a couple twentys in my wallet.  Here we go.  Next page.

Holy mother of kava - the bids start at $940 dollars - one way.  A slider at the bottom of the page allows the truly decadent to bid up to $3290 one way.  For business class?  For one ticket?  Are they serious?

So, world, you must wait for peace, my subconscious will be in constant turmoil and my mind will be saturated with the droning sound of the plane’s engines on one side and the snores of my sweaty seatmate beside me in the center seat.  Why?  Because if nothing else, at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, I am the cheapest s.o.b. on the planet.  The one that’s waiting for world peace.

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